Three weeks ago I noticed how I just wasn't myself anymore. My husband couldn't work out why until he asked me "are you still taking your tablets?"
No. No I wasn't and I didn't want to. I had spent at least 2 weeks with a smile on my face and feeling pretty good. Prior to that I had been forgetting to take them and as I felt okay I made the rather foolish decision to stop taking them. Maybe I can be normal again? I thought. Fast forward a week and I'm overthinking, anxious about play groups, about ordering my costa, about bumping into people I know. I don't want to leave the house, I'm tired, angry, sad and more than anything so frustrated at myself.
After a brief online conversation I was made to realise that needing my tablets was OK. That so many people out there need their medication to feel normal and I am one of them. Accepting that is no bad thing. I'm very thankful for that conversation because it made me realise something. If I had high blood pressure, asthma, diabetes or a physical illness then i'd take my medication and I wouldn't screw around with it because it would be helping me. So now I will do the same with the tablets which are helping my mental health. They balance the chemicals, they help my anxiety which in turns help me to feel happier and well.
I saw my GP last week and she was amazingly lovely about everything. I now have my original prescription all sorted out and I plan to keep up with them. At the moment I am still struggling as I wait for the tablets to 'kick in' so to speak. I'm pretty short tempered, the children are pushing every button possible and that's hard. I'm still not myself. Whoever that is. I'm in a very lonely place right now despite play group and trying to reconnect with old friends who are just too busy I'm pretty much alone and that can be tough sometimes. Sometimes it isn't though! Depends on my mood!
I'll leave it there for now. I just wanted to share some words with everyone. To let others know that if you feel the same as me then it's okay and it's normal. Don't ignore things, they won't go away. Accepting all of this wasn't easy for me, probably because of how I was brought up to view medication and mental health. I'm not addicted to my tablets, I'm not weak or not facing the causes of my anxiety and depression. One day I won't need those tablets. But for the foreseeable future, I do. And that's OK.
Cupcake Mumma
No. No I wasn't and I didn't want to. I had spent at least 2 weeks with a smile on my face and feeling pretty good. Prior to that I had been forgetting to take them and as I felt okay I made the rather foolish decision to stop taking them. Maybe I can be normal again? I thought. Fast forward a week and I'm overthinking, anxious about play groups, about ordering my costa, about bumping into people I know. I don't want to leave the house, I'm tired, angry, sad and more than anything so frustrated at myself.
After a brief online conversation I was made to realise that needing my tablets was OK. That so many people out there need their medication to feel normal and I am one of them. Accepting that is no bad thing. I'm very thankful for that conversation because it made me realise something. If I had high blood pressure, asthma, diabetes or a physical illness then i'd take my medication and I wouldn't screw around with it because it would be helping me. So now I will do the same with the tablets which are helping my mental health. They balance the chemicals, they help my anxiety which in turns help me to feel happier and well.
I saw my GP last week and she was amazingly lovely about everything. I now have my original prescription all sorted out and I plan to keep up with them. At the moment I am still struggling as I wait for the tablets to 'kick in' so to speak. I'm pretty short tempered, the children are pushing every button possible and that's hard. I'm still not myself. Whoever that is. I'm in a very lonely place right now despite play group and trying to reconnect with old friends who are just too busy I'm pretty much alone and that can be tough sometimes. Sometimes it isn't though! Depends on my mood!
I'll leave it there for now. I just wanted to share some words with everyone. To let others know that if you feel the same as me then it's okay and it's normal. Don't ignore things, they won't go away. Accepting all of this wasn't easy for me, probably because of how I was brought up to view medication and mental health. I'm not addicted to my tablets, I'm not weak or not facing the causes of my anxiety and depression. One day I won't need those tablets. But for the foreseeable future, I do. And that's OK.
Cupcake Mumma
Awwh .
ReplyDeleteFantastic xx
Lots of hugs to you xxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteI think I need to go to the Doctor again - have spent almost a week in tears and anxiety is all-consuming :(
Im in the same boat huni. Having to take tablets was a big deal for me because everyone gave their opinion and made me feel like I was 'wrong' somehow but u hit the nail on the head. If it was for any other condition no-one would bat an eyelid. Just because its not visible doesnt mean its not a very real condition. Swing by my blog and look for the depression and Journaling post for some links that might help u hun.
ReplyDeleteKeep strong. Ur not alone 😊 xxx
I have been there, I am no longer on tablets but have been more than once and it is the most lonely place in the world, just going out and facing the world is a challenge, but you are not alone and one thing I have discovered, so many people suffer with depression or anxiety or something similar but feel a failure and feel judged, they won't admit it, if you do, often others open up as well. You are stronger than you think, you admit you need tablets, you are writing and telling others about it, and giving others hope from your words. I find I am an incredibly lonely person, I am always looking for that 'best' friend to share things with and my self confidence is very low. 10 years ago I was larger than life, huge group of friends with many to turn to, life has changed but I am now realising I am the only one who can change it back - I just now get anxious I come across as boring or desperate! Keep going, things will get better x
ReplyDeleteYou might feel lonely but you are not alone. Your family and friends care for you. We, your blogger friends, do. Hugs...
ReplyDeleteA very brave post. If you had hurt your leg, you would take medication for it. This is NO different. Nobody out there needs to know, it's not a shameful thing, just keep on with the meds, they'll do the hard work so you can carry on x
ReplyDeleteReading this and seeing what you get anxious about I am going to book a doctors appt as soon as possible, I need help, I need to stop telling myself otherwise. Thanks for giving me a kick up the bum to do so, and hope you are feeling better now you are taking the tablets xxx
ReplyDeleteAccept that who you are, is someone that takes pills. There's nothing wrong with that. I currently take 15 tablets a day, for different things, including depression, because it's a chemicql imbalance. I'm not less of a person because of it, I'm.a healthier, happier person because of them xx
ReplyDeleteso glad I just found your blog-via Pretty Column- I too suffer terribly with anxiety and depression and have recently been put on tablets. I'm struggling with sleepiness, but I feel much more calm and able to deal with things. Thanks for sharing- I have had some negative comments regarding medication, but it's helping me and those people weren't struggling to cope with everyday things like I was. You're not alone, stay strong XX
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this Hanpants xx
ReplyDeleteI've been wrangling feelings of guilt recently because of my new pills making me feel more able and a little bit brighter. The whole is this actually me or is it the pills is going through my head constantly at the moment.
But you're completely right, you wouldn't think less of someone with high blood pressure taking pills to stabilise their blood, or someone with ME or MS taking pills to try to manage the pain. They don't mean you're weak, they're making you stronger again and you bloody well deserve that. Thanks so much for sharing, it'd be a pleasure to use this in my round-up :) xxx
Can relate to this so much - hope everything is back on track :-)
ReplyDelete